


even shooting stars must fall

by Ravens_World



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-31
Updated: 2020-05-31
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:42:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24464401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ravens_World/pseuds/Ravens_World
Summary: "Don't cry. Doesn't hurt anymore," Michael slurred, eyes closing. "Love ya, 'lex."
Relationships: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Comments: 20
Kudos: 92





	even shooting stars must fall

**Author's Note:**

> Heed the warnings please! 
> 
> Written for Missing Alex Manes Weekend Day 2: Loss
> 
> Happy (or maybe not so happy?) reading!

Alex watched Michael fall, and he didn't hesitate. He pulled the trigger and the man who had just shot Michael was dead before he hit the ground. He ran to Michael, ignored his aching legs and his battered body and slid down beside him. He dragged Michael closer to him and into his lap, hands fluttering uselessly over his body. He couldn't help but think that it should've been him lying there. 

He took off his bloodied sweater and heard Michael mumble something about not being able to enjoy it.

Alex choked out a laugh. "Make you a deal, you make it out of here, and I'll give you a freaking strip tease, okay?"

"I say that out loud?"

"Yes, you did."

Michaek grunted. "I'll-H-hold you to that," he stuttered out, ending it on a scream as Alex pushed, hard, on the gaping whole in his chest.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Guerin. You're gonna be okay. You're okay."

Michael nodded, trying to assure him. He moved his hand to cup Alex's cheek, and Alex felt desperation claw at his throat when he felt how icy his touch was.

"Tell me you didn't come here alone, Guerin," Alex pleaded with him as he seemed to hold him impossibly close.

"I did. That was the deal; I come alone and they don't kill you. Told me they were watching." 

Alex cursed and, with difficulty, checked Michael's pockets for his phone but couldn't find it. "Where's your phone, Guerin?"

"Broke it yeasterday."

Alex let out a frustrated noise. "Isobel? Max?"

Michael shook his head. Tears leaked out of his eyes. "No."  
..  
.  
..  
"Hey, I never told you about this, but when I first joined the Air Force, I had trouble sleeping," Alex started, a few minutes into this hell they found themselves in. Michael was fading fast, but Alex did his best to keep him awake. With his hands keeping a steady pressure on the gaping gunshot eound, he continued speaking. "I tried music, I tried those stupid rain and ocean tracks. Nothing helped. But then, after weeks of trying, you know what did work?" His voice broke and he bent down to press his forehead against Michael's. Michael's eyes were on him, and he was blinking sluggishly but was thankfully awake. Alex closed his eyes and breathed through the pain that flared with the new position. 

"What?" Came the pained whisper.

Alex smiled. "You."

He leaned back and watched him blink drowsily at him, obviously confused. "Me?"

"Yeah, you," he told him softly, "I would close my eyes and imagine you were there with me. I'd remember how peaceful I felt when I was with you. I'd remember your voice, just- listening to you talk about incredible things. And stupid things." Alex laughed suddenly. "I didn't think the stars were all that interesting, but the way you talked about them sometimes made me want to change my mind. I guess now I know why you were so obsessed, huh?"

Michael let out a weak laugh and Alex knew he was fading quickly. "Wanted to 'impress you."

"It worked." He leaned down and pressed a kiss at the corner of his mouth. He wanted to kiss his lips, needed it like he needed air, but he had to remind himself that Michael wasn't his to kiss. Not anymore. The tears he'd been keeping at bay with varying degrees of success flooded out and his chest ached with the effort it took to keep quiet. 

Michael's hand clumsily pushed him away, probably wanting to see his face. Alex felt Michael's weak grip on his waist, then he smiled and Alex's face screwed up in pain. "Don't cry. Doesn't hurt anymore," he slurred, eyes closing. "Love ya, 'lex." 

"No!" He held his face in his hands and shook him. "I love you. I love you. I love you," he pressed a kiss to his forehead, to his cheek, to both eyelids, with each repetition, panic taking over him as he felt Michael's grip loosen. He then heard the thud of Michael's hand falling to the ground and he lost it.

Alex had always believed he was used to pain. He'd been intimately familiar with it since he was seven years old. But this was different. This was worse than all the beatings his father had given him combined; worse than the pain of losing his leg; worse than walking away from Michael, and even worse than watching his father take a hammer to Michael's hand. 

Michael was dying. There was no way around it. He pressed harder on the gunshot wound and chocked on a sob as Michael's eyes stayed closed. His shaking hands found their way to his wrist and he let out a strangled scream when he could barely feel a pulse. 

The wound was only bleeding sluggishly now and Alex knew there was nothing he could do now. He put one hand under Michael's neck and used the other to haul him into his arms. Alex buried his face in his shoulder and let out a painful scream. He rocked them back and forth, and Michael was still, like a rag doll in his arms. 

Alex stroked a hand through his curls and kissed his forehead, lingering there. "Don't leave me," he whispered the plea, knowing it was pointless, but unable and unwilling to lose hope completely. "I love you. I love you so much, Michael and I need you to stay. I need you to stay so that _I_ can stay." Michael's breathing stuttered and Alex held his own breath as he watched and waited for him to take another one. He waited. And waited. And waited. 

But Michael's chest was still, and it didn't move again.  
...  
..  
.  
When Michael stopped breathing, Alex felt his world collapse in on itself. He laid him flat and though his body screamed at him, he interlaced his fingers together and pressed them to Michael's sternum, and counted to 30, then he leaned down and pressed his lips to Michael's, giving him one breath and then another. He repeated it, again and again.

His arms burned, and then went numb, his vision was blurry from the tears gathered in his eyes and then came the point where he couldn't do it anymore.

"Come back," he sobbed, bunching Michael's shirt in his hands. He rested his head on his chest and closed his eyes, desperate to feel its rise and fall, desperate to hear the heart that had once been his, beat just one more time. 

It didn't happen, but Alex still didn't move, not until he heard it.

Footsteps. 

Alex sat up. He picked up his discarded gun and stared at it for a long moment, and then made a decision. He calmly put the gun down and gently cradled Michael's head against his chest. He bent down to press a gentle kiss to his forehead and lingered there. 

It was almost a relief, to know it would all be over in a few minutes, that he wouldn't have to figure out how to live in this world without Michael. 

"I love you," he whispered, one last time, his eyes closed.

"Alex?!" "Michael?!"

It was like a bucket of cold water was dumped on his head. His eyes shot open and he straightened. Isobel, Liz and Max looked scared, and helpless in a way Alex could relate to. He opened his mouth, but no words came out. Instead, his eyes zeroed in on Max.

"Save him," he told the man, and even to his own ears, his voice sounded robotic. 

"No! Wait," Liz stood in front of her boyfriend and he watched her plead with him to not take the risk, to wait, to put Michael in a pod until they figured out a way to save him.

"Max, please, it could kill you."

Selfishly, Alex didn't care.

He looked Max right in the eye. "Save him."

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think?


End file.
